i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
