blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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