i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want is dick and wine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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