Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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