I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
