pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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