yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
