I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
