Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I still have a little drunk in my system
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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