my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
