i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
