Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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