capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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