put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
