Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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