and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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