so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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