I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
