i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
