I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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