don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize