My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
