i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
