There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
