I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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