Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
