i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
