the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
