You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
