In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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