i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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