I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
