Sponge bath it is.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
