You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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