did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
