no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
