sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
