Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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