oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
