So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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