It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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