Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hippo gnu deer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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