I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
