watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
