I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
