never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
