I wanna bring you to show and tell
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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