I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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