If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
