The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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