she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
