I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
