hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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