We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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