woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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