wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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