at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
