He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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