After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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