That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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