We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
