HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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