found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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