Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize