What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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