If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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