how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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