Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
