New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize