The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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